My baby. My one and only. My true miracle child.
I am sorry that I cannot play with you right now. I'm sorry that I cannot kick the ball to you or jump on the trampoline with you. Im sorry that we can't wrestle on the bed and tickle each other. Mummy is in pain.
I am sorry that I can't drop you at school. I am sorry that LIFE isn't NORMAL right now.
I wanted to give you a sibling. You seem so lonely. I could imagine how helpful you'd be as a big brother. Gosh, you would compete with me. I can just hear you say "mummy I clean baby's bum the best". I just know you would thrive even more with a sibling. Someone to guide and support. I'm sorry we couldn't give you that.
I thought this would be the one. The one that would survive and finally come meet us.
But mummy and daddy, we're tired now. So I hope you don't mind if we focus on YOU now. We'll make sure you have the best everything okay. I know you'll play with your school friends and we'll just have to organise more play dates for you.
My heart breaks. Life isn't fair my baby.
I will forever feel bad and guilty. No one can change how I feel. No words can change how I feel.
I love you my boy.