Sharing is caring
Wow. I am humbled by the interest and care shown by all of you, my readers, my supporters. I would like to thank ALL of you for reading my blog posts, for your messages of love and strength. This one is for you!
After my 3rd blog post - Faith - I've received many messages from women who have been through the same experiences as me. Moms who have had miscarriages and moms who have had ectopic pregnancies! Even moms who have lost one of their tubes and managed to have their miracle baby (who is basically the same age as me!). We never knew this. No one probably knows that these women have been through this, except for very close family.
Back in the day women never dared to speak up about their experiences. Maybe they felt like it was their fault it happened. Sometimes I feel like it is my fault this happened to me too. I think back and think maybe I shouldn't have jumped on the trampoline that day with Isaiah because maybe the jumping caused incorrect implantation. Maybe the non-alcoholic drink I had that day caused some major issues with my egg. Or maybe the stress I put on my body at work, caused the miscarriage.
NO. It didn't. Miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities. It is nothing that you did. Your body is amazing! It will check out the viability of a baby before you even realise you are pregnant! This is called a "chemical pregnancy", "blighted ovum" or as my dad calls it, a "spontaneous abortion". Everything formed as it should, the gestational sac, but the embryo stopped growing or didn't really grow at all. This is all quite fascinating for me as a Life Science/Biology teacher because we actually do meiosis and abnormal meiosis in the Grade 12 curriculum. Keywords to search for are "meiosis, non-disjunction, chromosomal numbers and abnormalities".
Out of all the messages I've received from readers, 70% of them have been through miscarriage or ectopic pregnancies. MORE THAN HALF! And yet my news feed isn't filled with this knowledge. Which is why I've started this blog. The heartbroken moms can come and read and relate and know YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS! I'm even going to stretch my arms out to the moms with infertility issues as now I basically sit in this pool with half my ass cheek. Let's talk to each other. Let's share. Would sharing your story make you deal with it more? Would you share your story to a ghost writer* and get it out there so you can heal? I am thinking of being a ghost writer* for those women out there who still feel hurt because they have kept their secrets and bottled up their feelings for so so long.
Pregnancy loss has become so normal in my eyes. Because I mean, most of my friends have been through it and so have a lot more moms as I can see from the messages. Healthy pregnancies and births are SO RARE! My gynae actually said on Thursday that women STILL die during childbirth today! They die! I have taken everything for granted. My perfect pregnancy with Isaiah, as well as the birth.
Time to look after ourselves moms. Sure we love looking after our babes and men, but don't forget about yourself. If you are hurting from a loss, and you haven't really spoken about it, PROPERLY, to anyone, please email me. I will write your story for you. And share it for you. And we can heal together. And support each other in this journey of heartbreak and loss.
I'll be here for you. Waiting for you. Let's heal together.
*A ghost writer is someone who writes for and in the name of another.